Love Is in the Air! The Sky Is Falling! Halp!
Have you ever noticed how romance novel protagonists aren’t particularly skilled at falling in love? I mean, they’re fairly good at the sex part, but then they start to fall for each other and turn into whatever the emotional equivalent of a jackhammer operated by a four-year-old is — they’re just kind of buzzing and hopping and flailing all over the place, and you really start to hope a fairy godmother will arrive and help them out before someone loses a leg.
I’m afraid the heroes and heroines of my Camelot series are no exception. Just look at the titles! We’ve got How To Misbehave, a title that presumes that if you put two hot twenty-somethings together in a dark basement, they still might not figure it out without instructions. Then there’s Along Came Trouble, wherein the arrival of a handsome, helpful, generous stranger is enough to throw our heroine, Ellen, into a helpless tizzy. And finally there’s Flirting with Disaster — a book in which the hero is incapable of speaking to the heroine, and the heroine isn’t even pursuing the right guy.
I’m sensing a theme here, folks. Love is perilous. Love might destroy us. SOMEBODY HELP.
Of course, no one can help my poor characters. They have to pull themselves out of these flail pits they’ve dug. But I can help you! If you’re as romantically impaired as my characters — or if you just like to win things — read on. I’ve put together a number of toolkits for the romantically impaired.
Prizes
Grand Prize!
One winner, whom I plan to crown “The Most Romantically Hopeless Among You,” will receive a $40 gift certificate to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or iTunes (winner’s choice). She or he should feel free to spend the money on romance novels, which s/he will then read on her/his couch in her/his pajama pants while eating the truly fantastic cookies and/or candy I will make for her according to her preferences.*
*I am especially good at salted caramels, mocha pound cake, peanut butter fudge, brownies, and any sort of cookies.
Three additional winners — for whom I hold out more hope — will each receive one of the following prize packages:
One-Night Stand Readiness Toolkit
In How To Misbehave, a tornado siren strands Amber and Tony together in a basement in the dark . . . and things start to get interesting. But what if, like Amber, you’re not all that prepared for things to get interesting? This prize is for you! The One-Night Stand Toolkit includes…
(1) Ruthie Knox breath mints, for when emergency snogging starts looking like a good idea;
(2) Condoms, because sometimes the kissing leads to other things, and you can’t necessarily count on your hero having one in his wallet;
(3) A miniature flashlight, because if all this action is happening in some dark basement, you might need help getting that condom on;
(4) Energy snacks for the post-nookie recuperation period;
(5) A $10 gift certificate to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or iTunes (winner’s choice), because sometimes fun stuff only happens to us in books.
Mommy and Daddy’s Bomb-Proof Date Night Kit
(1) Ruthie Knox breath mints, because, yes. Even when it’s your spouse.
(2) Small bottle of lube. Let’s just call it a “miniature marriage saver.” But don’t get it confused with the hand sanitizer!
(3) Little Black Book of Kama Sutra, in case the babysitter gets bored. No! Wait! I didn’t mean it like that! Of course I didn’t.
(4) Chocolate, for afters.
(5) $10 gift certificate to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or iTunes (winner’s choice), because sometimes the grown-ups just want to read a fucking book. But actually you’ll probably end up spending this on some sort of kid-related bribe.
One-That-Got-Away Prevention Kit
In Flirting with Disaster, Sean and Katie have a past. Sort of. Sean’s had a thing for Katie ever since he sat behind her in high school math class. And while he always thought of her as completely out of his league, she might have been attainable if he’d tried a little harder to close the deal. If you need help reeling them in and keeping them hooked, this prize can help! It consists of the following:
(1) Ruthie Knox breath mints. Always!
(2) Ruthie Knox mini-notebook and disposable fountain pen, for getting down his digits, yo. The rest is totally up to you.
(3) $10 Starbucks gift card. Because you have your whole life ahead of you — why are you reading books?
How To Enter
There are nearly as many ways to enter the Prepare For Disaster! contest as there are to screw up your romantic life. Using the Rafflecopter widget below, you can earn entries by doing any or all of the following:
—Comment on this page (2 entries)
—Preorder Along Came Trouble and/or Flirting with Disaster, or order How To Misbehave (2 entries each)
—Join my mailing list (1 entry)
—Like my Facebook page (1 entry)
—Tweet about the contest (1 entry)
—Share a link to the contest page at http://bit.ly/Xad7uq (1 entry)
—Share the contest graphic — PNG or JPG (3 entries)
Haven’t used Rafflecopter before? Don’t worry! It’s fairly painless. Just click on the widget below and it will walk you through the steps.
Contest Rules and Eligibility
CONTEST RULES:
By submitting an entry to the Prepare For Disaster Contest, you acknowledge that you have read and agree to be bound by these Official Rules and that you satisfy all eligibility requirements. This contest is void where prohibited or restricted by law. No purchase necessary.
All entries must be submitted during the period that the contest is being offered, according to all applicable directions as listed on the website, contest entry form, and/or emails or the entry will be void. Those who do not fill in all the required fields will be disqualified. Entries generated by a script, macro or other automated means will be disqualified. Ruthie Knox are not responsible for lost, late, incomplete, illegible, incomprehensible or misdirected entries, bugs, failures in servers, hardware or software transmission failure or loss or delayed or corrupted data transmissions or any injury or damage to an entrant’s or any other person’s computer related to or resulting from downloading any portion of this contest.
ELIGIBILITY:
This contest is open to individuals who are 21 years of age or older. Relatives of Ruthie Knox are not eligible to win. For the purposes of this contest, relatives are defined as spouse, mother, father, in-laws, grandmother, grandfather, brother, sister, children and grandchildren.
PRIZES:
One (1) Grand Prize will be a $40 gift certificate to Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, or the iTunes bookstore, as well as baked goods, both to be selected by the awardee. Three additional prize packages will be awarded as described above. No transfer, cash equivalent, or prize substitution allowed, except at the sole discretion of Ruthie Knox. The winner will be notified via e-mail that he/she is a winner. If a winner cannot be reached after a reasonable effort has been made during three (3) business days from Ruthie Knox’s first attempt, or if an entrant is found to be ineligible, an alternate winner may be selected. Ruthie Knox withholds the right to substitute the prize(s) for any reason.
ODDS OF WINNING:
The odds of winning depend upon the number of eligible entries received.
DISCLAIMERS:
All entrants, as a condition of entry, agree to be bound by these official rules. In the event of a dispute over the identity of an online entrant, entry will be deemed submitted by the “Authorized Account Holder” of the e-mail address submitted at time of entry. Authorized Account Holder means the natural person who is assigned to an e-mail address by an Internet access provider, online service provider, or other organization that is responsible for assigning e-mail addresses for the domain associated with the submitted e-mail address. Winner, by acceptance of any prize, agrees to release Ruthie Knox from any and all liability, claims or actions of any kind whatsoever for injuries, damages or losses to persons and property which may be sustained in connection with the receipt, ownership or use of any prize or while traveling to and from a location to obtain or use any prize. Further, no responsibilities are accepted for any additional expenses, omissions, delays, re-routing, or acts of any government or authority. Ruthie Knox makes no warranty, representation, or guarantee, express or implied, in fact or in law, relative to the use of any Prize including, without limitation, quality, merchantability, or fitness for a particular purpose. Ruthie Knox is not responsible for technical, hardware, software, or telephone malfunctions of any kind, lost or unavailable network connections, or failed, incorrect, incomplete, inaccurate, garbled or delayed electronic communications caused by Ruthie Knox, the user or by any of the equipment or programming associated with or utilized in this contest, its prizes or by any human error which may occur in the processing of the entries in this contest and which may limit a participant’s ability to participate in this contest. Entries that are incomplete, illegible or corrupted are void and will not be accepted. Any person who supplies false information, enters by fraudulent means, or is otherwise determined to be in violation of these official rules in an attempt to obtain any prize will forfeit the prize won and may be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. The contest shall be governed by U.S. law. Ruthie Knox withholds the right to modify these official rules in any way or at any time.