Heroine-shaming is rampant in romance — so often, as readers, we’ll forgive the hero literally anything but find we just can’t connect with the heroine, that we just don’t like her, that she seems too young, too irresponsible, or makes bad choices we can’t forgive.
I have to think sexism is at the root of these feelings about characters in books — our unwillingness to forgive women because we simply don’t like them as much, or don’t think they should or do have enough power, or because we simply can’t forgive ourselves.
For me, the most important thing about the heroine of a romance is that she be human, real in a way that I can feel and understand. I want to be able to know what she’d say, or how she’d behave in a given situation; but I don’t have to approve of her or want to hang out with her. What’s important is that the hero like her — that he understand her, and see her, and want her to be happy and live her best life.
